Healing After a Loss: A Ritual to Release Grief

Losing someone you love is never easy. In fact, it's been so challenging lately that I have found myself taking a step back from many of the things that previously brought me joy because they remind me too much of the person I lost or feel incredibly unimportant or unappealing now. It's not fair they were taken from me so soon, and I am struggling to figure out this new normal in which they no longer exist.

I've heard a litany of well-intentioned comforts from friends and family, but they don't fix the emptiness I feel inside. Lately, I've been feeling that mind-numbing emptiness with books, devouring fantasy novels at a breakneck speed, at least for me. It's been a long time since I've felt such a deep desire to escape reality.

Grief doesn't follow any rules or patterns. We each approach it differently and in our own time; its uniqueness makes it difficult to soothe and even harder to predict. This is not my first rodeo with grief, but it's certainly the most gut-wrenching grief I have ever felt. The thing is, grief isn't about the person you lost; it's about you. It feels selfish to say that out loud, but they are gone and I am still here trying to process all of this. Taking care of myself is not selfish. Trying to move on from this loss is not selfish and does not mean I don't love or care for the person I lost, despite what that nasty inner voice has been saying lately.

And so I come today to share a ritual I am using to overcome this grief. This is not a spell to forget, but instead one to heal.

What You'll Need

• Paper
• Writing utensil
• Bowl
• Glass of water
• Black or white candle
• Flower of choice (gardenia, rose, lavender, or your loved one's favorite flower)
• Sodalite, amethyst, or green aventurine

What to Do

Before beginning this spell, cleanse and consecrate your space and items using your preferred method. Remember to wake up your crystal and flower using your preferred method (mine is by blowing on them). When ready, take a deep breath in through your nose for four seconds, hold for four seconds, then exhale through your mouth for four seconds. As you box breathe, visualize your energies concentrating in the center of your body. Repeat until you feel relaxed and centered.

Now that you are relaxed and centered, begin writing or drawing anything that comes to mind about the person you lost, how you are feeling, or what you want to say to them. What is your best memory of them? How did you meet? What words did you leave unsaid? None of what you write has to make sense; just let it all out. End your writing with how you feel about losing them. Let all those emotions out onto the page, even if that means you lose the words to write and just cry and scream instead. Let your tears stain the paper; let your spittle splash the words you've written. All those emotions may be best conveyed without the use of words. Allow the paper to collect it all.

Once all of your thoughts and emotions are out and your grief is plainly displayed upon the page, light your candle. Roll the paper up, and seal it with a bit of wax. Hold the rolled paper close to your heart and whisper a prayer of your choice. It could be a prayer your loved one was known to use or you can just speak whatever comes to your mind. Say what you need to out loud before placing the rolled paper into the bowl.

Next, hold the crystal you have chosen in your right hand until it is warmed. Visualize the crystal bringing you comfort, support, and peace. Place next to the paper in the bowl. Pour the water over the top of the paper and crystal. Place the flower on top of the water where it can float. Spend a few moments holding the bowl in your hand, cradling your grief, and honoring your loved one who has passed.

When you feel ready, begin box breathing again by inhaling through your nose for four seconds, holding for four seconds, and exhaling through your mouth for four seconds. Repeat until you feel recentered, balanced, and calm, using the flame of the candle to guide you if you wish.

Finally, place the still-burning candle and bowl in a sacred place or on your ancestral altar until the candle burns out. Do not leave the candle unattended. You can dispose of your spell remains in several different ways. You can pour the water in your garden, somewhere your loved one liked to visit, or in a moving body of water. The paper can be buried near your front door, at a crossroads, or even at their burial plot or dried and burned and the ashes scattered in the wind.

Warnings/Modifications/Alternatives:

• Altering your breathing can cause a reduction in blood pressure which can cause you to pass out. It can also trigger seizures in some people and PTSD in others. If you are worried about passing out, begin this exercise by lying down. I also suggest practicing with a friend to ensure your safety.
• If you live near a body of moving water, such as a river or stream, use it instead of a bowl and glass of water, being mindful that anything left behind is easily biodegradable and eco-friendly. If it is warm enough and safe to do so, you can even bathe in the river to wash away and heal the grief you are feeling. It's too cold here right now, but I used a river and bathed my hands in it.
• Do not leave candles unattended or near children and pets.
• Other useful healing crystals include black tourmaline, moonstone, rose quartz, howlite, kunzite, and Angelite. You can also use your loved one's favorite crystal or stone.
• Other candle color options include blue for healing and communication, red for love and passion, pink for love, friendship, and peace, or yellow for remembrance and joy. You could also use a candle your loved one gifted you or one in their favorite color to strengthen the connection.
  
  

Why You Did It

Understanding the whys of a spell (or ritual or recipe) is just as important as performing it. It helps you understand the process so you can modify the spell or ritual to suit your needs and helps guide you in writing your own. It's my intention that by providing these explanations, you can build a better understanding of how spells are written and executed so you can modify and build your own spells (the goal of my Spellcrafting Series). 

This spell begins with a cleansing. and centering through a technique called box breathing. It's always good practice to bring neutral ingredients into your spells. As for centering, grief has a nasty habit of dispersing our emotions and scattering our emotions, making it difficult to focus on the task at hand. This practice draws that energy back to you and relaxes you in preparation for the difficult work ahead.

By writing, even if incoherently, you draw those thoughts and emotions to the surface and splatter them across the page, giving them a tangible link in the physical world upon which the rest of the spell can act. The process of writing out your grief also provides an opportunity to "get it out" or release it from you, transferring all of it to the paper, which represents you in the spell.

The candle, whether white or black, represents your loved one. Candles have been used for centuries to send prayers, messages, and spells to Spirit, otherwise acting as a link between realms. The flame also represents the light that person brought to your life and the love you still have for them. Furthermore, black and white candles are both associated with healing and grief. Black is commonly used during mourning to represent the absence or loss of the person, Death, the Underworld, banishment, protection, grounding, or as a symbol of respect for the deceased. White, on the other hand, represents healing, rebirth, new beginnings, hope, and peace. Which even color you choose, however, is valid for this spell, so trust your gut. The wax from the candle represents your loved one and by sealing the paper with wax, you connect yourself with the person you have lost.

Next, the crystals chosen for this spell are all associated with healing grief and loss and bringing peace to those left behind. It is added to the bowl with the rolled paper to bring comfort and healing to both you and your loved one. This is further supported by the use of water, which is also associated with healing. By pouring it over top of the paper, you are washing away and easing the pain and suffering you are feeling, clearing your thoughts, and letting the grief go.

The flower (all of which are associated with healing, peace, tranquility, and love) is placed on top of the water to pull peace, harmony, and love to the surface so that you may fully heal from your loss. I chose a gardenia flower (which also grows in my yard) for this spell as it was one of my loved one's favorite flowers and is deeply associated with loss and grief. Gardenia is a commonly sent sympathy flower as its flowery scent helps to soothe emotions, heal broken hearts, and calm disquieted minds. It's known for bringing peace and harmony to even the worst situations, so what better flower to use in a grief ritual?

Finally, the spell remains were disposed of in such a way as to keep your loved one close, but to let some of that grief go. Pouring the water out symbolizes release, especially if poured into a moving body of water, while burying the remains allows for healing. Burning is also associated with healing and releasing that grief while sending your love to Spirit. Again, let your intuition guide you when it comes to disposal, but always make sure you are being respectful of the Earth.

Want to break this spell? Unfortunately, this isn't one you can break, but it also isn't permanent. Grief has this ability to sneak back in when we least expect it so keep an eye out for it.

Remember to record this ritual in your Book of Shadows or use my Spell/Ritual Worksheet for reference later.

***

I hope that you are all doing well during these trying times. If you should ever be faced with such unending grief, know that you are not alone. Lean into your support systems and ask for help if you need it, but don't allow the grief to overwhelm and consume you. It's okay to take care of yourself. It's not selfish or rude or disrespectful to those you have lost. They want you to carry on; to do great things with the time you have been given.

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A Complete Guide to Isa, the Ice Rune

Today, we continue our runic study journey by looking at Isa (EE-sah), the Ice rune. It is sometimes viewed as the rune of death as the ultimate stillness or pause in life is death. It's a traditional symbol of winter but also represents strength and perseverance in the face of adversity.

As seen in my previous runic guides, today's post will include a deep dive into the runic poems, Isa's cultural significance, its correspondences, how to work with it, its meaning in a spread, and its relationships with runes. Also included is a free printable for your Book of Shadows or Grimoire!

Isa's Portrayal in the Rune Poems

Isa ᛁ is the third rune in the second ætt, which represents stillness and cycles. It is coupled with Jera, the Harvest or Year rune that represents cycles of time and reward. Isa, on the other hand, captures the stillness before rebirth. Like Jera, Isa appears in all three runic poems, suggesting similar cultural meanings across the continent.

Icelandic Rune Poem                                  Translation:

Íss er árbörkr                                                 Ice is bark of rivers

ok unnar þak                                                 and roof of the wave

ok feigra manna fár.                                     and destruction of the doomed.

glacies jöfurr.                                              

Anglo-Saxon Rune Poem                            Translation:

Is byþ ofereald, ungemetum slidor,               Ice is very cold and immeasurably slippery;

glisnaþ glæshluttur gimmum gelicust,          it glistens as clear as glass and most like to gems;

flor forste geworuht, fæger ansyne.              it is a floor wrought by the frost, fair to look upon.

Norwegian Rune Poem                               Translation:

Ís kǫllum brú bræiða;                                   Ice is called the broad bridge;

blindan þarf at læiða.                                  the blind man must be led.

From each of these three poems, a pattern emerges. First and foremost, Isa ᛁ is referred to as "Ice." This is where Isa gets its modern English name "Ice" and why it's associated with stillness, stasis, and inactivity. Secondly, the dangers of ice are mentioned in all three poems, particularly how dangerous crossing bridges of ice can be. This points to the darker side of Isa, suggesting death and destruction if not taken seriously. Isa is a reminder that ice is a barrier, but an untrustworthy one at that. We must slow down, pause, and wait until we act. Moving too soon or too quickly will most likely end poorly, but this forced stasis is not all bad. Resting is required for rebirth, and in that rest, beautiful things can still happen; "like to gems."

The winter months were particularly difficult for Nordic peoples as they made it impossible to grow food for several months each year. People relied on their communities to ensure they made it safely through these harsh months, as referenced in the Norwegian Rune Poem: "the blind must be led." This is a reference not just to aiding the blind, but to helping all those in need during the winter months. 

We see further reference to the Isa or ice in Havamal 81 which says "Give praise to the day at evening, to a woman on her pyre, To a weapon which is tried, to a maid at wed lock, To ice when it is crossed, to ale that is drunk." This particular passage reminds us to be cautious of acting without thinking and planning first. You shouldn't cross a bridge of ice without first testing it just as you shouldn't drink ale from a stranger or use a weapon you haven't tried first. However, ice is not all doom and gloom as seen two passages later.

Havamal 83 tells says "By the fire drink ale, over ice go on skates..." This tells us that while ice and winter are harsh, there is joy to be found. The only time you can ice skate is during the winter, reminding us to enjoy the stillness.

Being in the second ætt, Isa is associated with Heimdal, the guardian of the Bifrost. All runes within the second ætt are symbolized by resilience, strength, survival, and the cyclical nature of life, and Isa is no exception.

Isa's Cultural Significance

Nature played a pivotal role in Norse society, especially the changing seasons and the wildlife available. This connection is seen in the language and symbolism of the Elder Futhark. The word Isa has its roots in the Proto-Germanic word īsaz meaning "ice," referencing the harsh winters the Norse people were accustomed to. Some suggest Isa's simplistic design (ᛁ) is reminiscent of an icicle, further signifying ice, winter, stillness, delay, and stasis. Others have suggested it could represent a pillar of strength and the strength needed to survive the dark winters.

Some have suggested Isa, like Algiz, may have been carved into weapons or amulets, but I could find no verifiable sources to corroborate this suggestion. Most Nordic weapons have severely deteriorated with time, leaving any inscriptions illegible. Despite the lack of evidence on weapons, Isa is found on tons of waystones and grave markers.

Restored runic waystone

The south side of inscription Ög 224

The above gravemarker depicts ships on the south side and a serpent on the north side and says, "This stone raised in memory of Halfdan, their father; and Ástríðr in memory of her good husbandman." Like all runes, Isa was used to depict sounds and words to communicate with others in the same way our modern alphabets are used.

Isa was also used to create bind runes, most famously in the Vegvísir (Wayfinder) and Ægishjálmur (Helm of Awe). Sometimes referred to as the "Viking Compass" or "Norse Compass", the Vegvísir originated in Iceland but was probably not used by ancient Norse people as the earliest record of it is from the 19th century.

Some suggest the Vegvísir is a Christian magic symbol as the three Icelandic books it appears in state: "To avoid getting lost: keep this sign under your left arm, its name is Vegvísir and it will serve you if you believe in it – if you believe in God in the name of Jesus – the meaning of this sign is hidden in these words, so you may not perish. May God give me luck and blessing in the name of Jesus.” However, it's important to note that the Christianization of the Norse people resulted in a number of kings commissioning runestones that dedicated their lands to Christ. It is possible the three Icelandic books that feature the Vegvísir connected an older pagan symbol of unknown age and origin with 19th-century Icelandic Christianity or that it is a blend of two faiths, which was fairly common during the post-Viking age in Iceland. Furthermore, we know a number of books were burned during "witch hunts" including one in 1664. A schoolmaster confiscated a book from one of his students that supposedly contained 80 spells and 237 figures including "#41: To get no storms at sea, accompanied by a figure." Could this figure have been Vegvísir? We will never know because it is not specifically mentioned by name.

No matter its origin, the Vegvísir, which means "That which shows the way" was a magical stave used for protection against getting lost, particularly at sea. The incorporation of Isa runes may suggest finding your way through frozen or treacherous waters.

Old magic scroll with Ægisjálmur

While the Vegvísir is not mentioned by name in the 1664 account, the Ægishjálmur, or Helm of Awe, is. It also appears in the 1670 Galdrakver manuscript, suggesting it was likely used for far longer than Vegvísir. Furthermore, Ægishjálmur is mentioned in the Eddic poems and Volsung Saga, but these mentions refer to a physical helmet and not the symbol. However, the symbol by the same name is believed to have the same powers as the physical helm with eight arms emitting from the center. It features Algiz runes that are intersected by a number of Isa runes which combined likely means a hardening or victory or protection or the ability to overcome adversity.

Like all runes, Isa held cultural and likely spiritual significance, much of which has been lost over time, but remains a symbol of reflection, solidification, control, stillness, and endurance.

Isa's Correspondences

It should be noted that general correspondences are not mentioned in any Nordic text. Instead, these are a best guess based on experiences from both myself and others. In fact, most of these are of modern invention, pulling inspiration from Wicca. As with all correspondence lists, you can add and subtract based on your experiences.

• Upright Meaning: stasis, stillness, introspection, challenges, self-preservation, delay, focus, self-control, roadblocks, forced pause before rebirth, lack of change, stagnation, ego
• Reversed Meaning: None
• Letter: I
• Element: Water
• Zodiac: Sagittarius
• Planet: Moon
• Animal: reindeer, polar bear, penguin, moose, arctic fox
• Colors: white, light blue, black
• Deities: Freya, Skadi, Verdandi
• Plants: alder, henbane, lavender
• Crystals: chrysoberyl, milky quartz, clear quartz, moonstone, opal
  
  

How to Work with the Isa Rune

Incorporating runes into your magical practice can be incredibly rewarding and bring new energies to spells and rituals. But how exactly can you use Isa in your workings?

1. Use in spells to bind or bring stillness when things are getting out of hand.
2. Draw the Isa rune on your forehead in a calming anointing oil or visualize it to still your mind.
3. To stop gossip, write the gossip onto a piece of paper and draw the Isa rune over the top of it before placing it in water and freezing it.
4. Use in healing spells to help halt the spread of disease through the body.
5. Wear it as an amulet if you want a less emotional outlook on life or are prone to "overreacting."
6. To cool heated tempers, draw the rune in food or drinks and share it with whoever you are fighting with.
7. Draw the Isa rune into a piece of ice and place it on your tongue to still your words.
8. Draw the rune on a candle before performing shadow work to enhance reflection and concentration while keeping impulsive reactions at bay.
9. Use in love spells to cool things down or stop a relationship from continuing.
10. Visualize the Isa rune radiating around you and your home to create a barrier to slow things down when you feel overwhelmed or like time is flying by too quickly.
    
    

Isa's Meaning in Rune Spread

What does it mean if Isa appears in a rune spread? Isa holds various meanings depending on its position and relation to other runes in the spread. Like Jera, Isa has no reversed meaning. 

Below are some examples of how to interpret Isa when it's next to or near other runes:

• In proximity to Thurisaz suggests someone at work is trying to sabotage you.
• Next to a reverse Laguz can indicate infidelity in a relationship.
• Near Ehwaz means that there is nothing you can do to change the current course of events. Keep an eye on what you might be missing so you can see things clearly.
• Near Ansuz, the stasis or barrier you are currently facing will soon thaw.
• In proximity to Fehu suggests a pause or delay in a new venture, potential gain, or fulfillment of your ambitions.
• Next to a reverse Uruz or Wunjo indicates a period of falling out of love in a relationship and a growing distance between lovers.
• Near Raidho suggests a potential need to pause vacation or traveling plans or implies the need for more careful consideration and reflection before attempting to move forward with any plans.

Isa's Relationships with Other Runes

Isa generally opposes other runes in the Elder Futhark, particularly those with a positive meaning. When found with Wunjo, Ehwaz, or a reversed Uruz, it often points to a relationship cooling and potentially ending. You may experience coldness from your partner or a sense that the relationship is not moving to the next step. There is a disconnect or barrier preventing movement forward. When found with abundance runes such as Fehu or Jera, it can symbolize a freeze on wealth, abundance, or fertility or a potential barrier blocking your future success.

However, opposing the other runes does not suggest everything is all bad. Instead, Isa reminds us to pause and reflect. While we may or may not be able to do anything about the current path, we can still learn from it. Sometimes stillness is what is needed for things to correct themselves, and instead of pushing forward into further disaster, we should wait patiently for things to work themselves out. You have no idea what the Universe has planned for you, and often times you just need to take a step back and wait patiently for things to unfold.

Isa also reminds us to rest, even when we feel like we should continue pushing forward. Just because it opposes Uruz, the rune of health, strength, and vitality, doesn't necessarily mean sickness is on the horizon. Instead, it could mean that you need to rest and relax in order to maintain your health and well-being. Isa is not an inherently negative rune, despite how things may appear on the surface.

***

Isa invites us to remember that caution, patience, rest, and reflection are necessary for growth and development. It's a reminder that good things come to those who wait. Below you will find a printable, cheat-sheet that includes a summary of all important information that you can incorporate into your Book of Shadows or Grimoire.

Click the image below to download your free cheat sheet for your Book of Shadows or Grimoire.

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Magical Properties of Jade

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Book Review: Mexican Magic by Laura Davila

Disclosure: Some of the links below are affiliate links, meaning, at no additional cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and make a purchase. I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Hello, lovely witches. I apologize for being gone so long, but grieving has no time limits. During the time I was gone, I filled my time with reading, a whole lot of reading. Among the books I have read recently, many of them have been occult books, including Mexican Magic: Brujeria, Spells, and Rituals for All Occasions by Laura Davila.

Davila is a fifth-generation Mexican witch, describing herself as a bruja de rancho-- a "ranch witch," which she describes as having a knowledge of botanicals and the natural world, which she incorporates into her book Mexican Magic. Unlike other books on the topic, Mexican Magic is not so much a how-to-guide, but instead a list of spells and rituals for different occasions. Chapter One briefly introduces Mexican magic, discussing the guiding principles, virtues, and cultural significance. I thoroughly enjoy reading about other cultures and practices. Reading widely promotes empathy and understanding, and puts a lot of Mexican culture into perspective, making me a better teacher, friend, and community member.

The introductory chapter is followed by chapters full of spells and rituals for everything from kitchen magic to curing baby hiccups. These spells incorporate saints, angels, and icons infused with botanicals and other natural ingredients. I loved reading about the different animas, their history and folklore, and how to invoke them for different purposes. My favorite chapter, however, was on magical Mexican ingredients, which includes how to use tortillas to enact revenge or warm a cooling relationship. In the kitchen magic chapter, there are spells for using aguas frescas for financial prosperity or to encourage someone to fall in love with you. There are recipes and spells for connecting to your ancestors with coffee or using chewing gum to stop gossip. I learned so much from this book and walked away inspired to work with new ingredients in my own practice, with respect of course. 

I do not have any Mexican heritage, so incorporating Mexican magic into my practice is not something I feel comfortable doing (it's right in line with cultural appropriation), but the techniques are universal. For example, while I won't incorporate the chewing gum spell as it's written in Davila's work, I can figure out a way to use chewing gum in the future to stop gossip, seal someone's lips, or otherwise stop them from talking about me. This is another reason I love reading about the practices of other cultures. They often approach the world from an entirely different view than I do, allowing me to better see and understand how I can work with other elements in my life, ones I may have never thought to use. It opens the doors of my creativity and often inspires me in times when I lack inspiration or the desire to create. For what is witchcraft if not creativity?

My only complaint about Mexican Magic is that it was too short! I wanted so much more history and folklore than what Davila was able to offer in this short book. Despite this, I highly recommend picking up Mexican Magic: Brujeria, Spells, and Rituals for All Occasions by Laura Davila, whether you are Mexican or not. It is a great way to begin this tumultuous year by increasing your empathy toward those different from you, inspiring your own practice, and expanding your understanding of the world around you. I hope it sparks your creativity like it sparked mine.

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Magical Properties of Spirit Quartz

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